Ummmm.... How 'Bout NOOOO?

I knew it would happen eventually.

Some folks whom I moved to be away FROM are wanting to "come out to visit". They read about, see pictures of, what I am doing here, and want to 'come out to see'. One even had the cojones to ask if I had planted part of my garden for them! LOL. Ha. Ha. J/K. Before I ever left, one person even wanted to come out, and I told her, um, NO. She was hurt. Too effing bad. But she was raised on a farm, and has over and over insisted how much she hated it, never wanted to go back to it, hated the work and the dirt and the smell of it. Why would I want her or anyone like her here? Why on earth would she want to come all this way to a lifestyle she hates - unless she thought either a) I wasn't serious or b) she could play busy and impressive City Mouse to my country farm mouse (yawn)?

Each one I have had to tell what to expect. They think they will come out to a free bed and breakfast, where they can play at being farmers without doing any of the actual work. They think they can spend time watching Mike and me work, put their kids on the horsies - or that they can sit back and be catered to while they are present, play and do nothing, chat endlessly about things and people and places that don't matter - that never did matter - to us. Ummm... NO.

So first, I tell them how to get here. They can fly into Denver, rent a car, and drive 6.5 hours northeast, the last 5 hours over narrow two-lane back roads, thru towns with no gas stations or other amenities, over miles and miles and miles of empty land where huge cattle ranches sprawl; no humans in sight. Or they can hop a small propeller-driven plane out of Denver to Rapid City (more expensive) rent a car, and drive 3 hours southeast over two-lane roads with the same amenities and scenery. Or, they can drive - 1700 miles, two to three days, mostly on interstates, but again - the last two hours on back roads.

Then when they get here, they must be prepared. There's no motels, although a friend of mine rents out hunting cabins year-round, "in town". The "town" consists of her bar/restaurant, several houses, the high school, with the feed store and the gas station on "the highway". In the summer it's normally 100 degrees, hot and dry, there's no A/C, just fans in the windows. In the winter it is COLD - breathless, mindnumbing cold; -40 degrees with the ever-present wind is common. "Breakfast" is what my daughter calls 'jump-up' - jump up out of bed and get it yourself. Feed-up is before sun-up - just chickens now to be fed and eggs gathered, but soon the cattle to be fed and milked, the horse to be fed, the dogs to be walked. Hay to be thrown out. The gardens to be tended and watered and weeded; or, in the winter, the greenhouse to be checked and worked. Wood to be gathered and cut for the woodstove. In the winter, the fire to be laid for heat; better do it right so it doesn't go out or smoke up the house. Cooking and cleaning and preserving, butchering and milking and the separating of cream and the making of butter and cheese. Work won't stop - can't stop - because we are working with living creatures whose needs must be tended. Fences to ride and check, pregnant mamas to be watched so that they don't drop babies in the snow. Hooves to be examined, health to be watched, on everyone. Is the floating water heater keeping the trough from icing up? Are the pumpkins still green at the top? Are the plants ready to come out of the greenhouse or should we wait another week? Manure to shovel, or walks to shovel.

Something else they need to know - there is NOTHING for them to do here. Not like they are used to. No malls, no Wal Mart, no shopping for a 40-mile, one-way drive, better make a list because you're not going back this week. No rows of bars and sushi joints and barbecue pits and fast food restaurants to just pop over to because you're bored with home cooking. There is a bar in town, that serves amazing burgers and steaks, and is open every day - it is great but the locals mostly sit there in the evenings and play cribbage or poker. No drunken rowdiness, no loud music.

And what gets you is the absolute silence. At night, there is only the sound of crickets, coyotes or the occasional cow, lowing off in the distance. No traffic. No noise. In the winter it is even quieter. No sound except the endless wind, whistling around the house and barns.

No, most people don't want to come here. And if they do they will hate it, no matter how polite they feel they have to be. Damned few of my friends or family would truly enjoy this for longer than three days. They would be nervous, jumpy, wanting to play where there is no place to play, wanting their excitement and their bright lights and their fast food and their desperate need for other people. There's no heating ducts upstairs! There's only one bathroom, and it just has a shower stall, no tub! How primitive! How atrocious!

But - that's why we like it here, that's why we moved here. To do the things we want to do without any bother, or having to smile at people we don't really like, want, or need around us. We like animals, we like work, and we like the silence, the heat, the cold.

So if you want to think about coming here, think long and hard about what you are willing to do - and not have. Otherwise, please, don't bother. Send emails and letters, but otherwise, stay where you are - or go somewhere else. We don't have the time, or patience, or even the inclination, to entertain you for even a day in your life. Unless you are willing to work, to pitch in and help do all the things that need to be done every day, no matter who drops by; unless you are willing to give up your sodas and fast food and shopping and partying, then you won't want to come here, be here, stay here. Go somewhere where you can feel happy - and not interrupt what we do here. We don't have the time nor the inclination to play with you, to pretend that we have the time to indulge your little fantasy of 'farm life'. This isn't Farmville or Farm Town, a virtual playtime, where things happen just right and you can leave or ignore it for days at a time.

Is that mean? Damned straight it is. It is also blunt and honest and true and REAL. If you're happy in your world - don't intrude it on mine. We left it for a REASON. And the reason is - we didn't want to be there any more, and we sure as HELL do not want it brought to us. not for a minute, not for a day, and not in the suitcases of those who think it would be FUN. No, thanks.