Like most Christmases, ths one has been a rush of hurry-up; stuff not working right before it goes into the kiln, taking forever to mold up, not doing what it is supposed to IN the kiln... and money shortages and time shortages. Sigh. One thing you can't rush through is firing clay. Another thing I haven't had time for is the baking I love to do. All week off work, and other things just kept intruding...
Our first Christmas here is beautiful. There has been snow on the ground all week, like thin frosting on a cake. Today though it is 34 degrees, and everything is melting! The Ruggles' kids are all back in town; and one of them got a sled for Christmas. That hill behind their house still has a glaze of snow, and they are sledding down it! How cool is that. Gunshots over by the range; I wonder if someone is getting deer or turkey or just having fun. The sun reflecting off of the snow is so bright, glowing, and fresh looking. It still looks like a picture postcard from the '50's here; so calm and happy, brilliant and peaceful, shiny and new like a Christmas toy.
So why am I so introspective, today of all days?
I do miss my friends and Tammy. Lots. Wish I could just bundle them all up and bring them here. Tammy is going 15 different directions; new boyfriend, wants to move, can't move, doesn't have a job where she wanta to be, is getting treated like crap -as usual -in her job back there. people taking advantage of her, wanting to get away, feeling trapped. This is what I want, and where I want to be, and I have good friends here, but Christmas they are all very family-oriented so no one drops by.
There's plenty of food like always, and the cider and eggnog are hot and cold respectively. Everything is set just like it always is, table groaning with the snackages.
But I miss my friends. I knew I would. I knew I made a definite choice, it's not like it's a surprise. And I miss them not just today but all the time - knowing that my dreams are not theirs, knowing that we'll probably drift apart, knowing that we'll probably never see each other again. It's hard to think about that even though I knew it two years ago, ten years ago. I've moved 10 times before, and it always hurts. I am happy and sad - I am happy and want to share it with them like I always have, and they can't even imagine what it is like, and are busy doing what we all used to do. I want to show them the things I see, let them feel what I feel, and learn what I learn, but they can't. I think that is what makes me sad... that I can't share this happiness with them.
Tomorrow it is supposed to snow again. I think I'll try to go driving before it snows, look at the river, walk next to the lake, and enjoy the stark and living beauty of the place. And wish I could be with my friends and show it all to them!
March Writing Assignment
13 years ago
1 comment:
I was looking on the web under homesteading and came across a site called backwoodshome.com and I decided to look at some of the comments members have made. I came across your posts about your new homestead. Congratulations by the way! Then I saw a link to your blog where you posted pictures and started glancing through. Something on your Christmas post struck me. When you talked about missing your friends and realizing that because your dreams and goals do not match theirs, that you knew you would drift apart. My husband and I understand this well, because we have a strong desire to start a homestead ourselves. We want to milk goats, keep chickens, miniture cattle and grow our own organic food. Everyone around us thinks we are crazy and we have only (1) friend in our hometown who actually has some similar goals and aspirations. We too feel very lonely in our dreams. My husband and I have subscriptions to Mother Earth News and Countryside Magazine. Reading them provides some comfort. At least in the knowledge that there are other people out their living the similar dreams and goals, (or at least striving too, as we are.) We have known for some time that we needed to build a network and reach out to individuals who also dream to live frugally, independantly, organically. Either due to economic downturn or just to help improve their health and the lives of their loved ones. I just wanted to give you kudos for having the courage to walk the road less taken (albeit, it is becomeing the increasingly popular road...especially because of the economic slump we are in.) Find comfort in knowing there are other people young and old that you have some commonality with. Best of luck in your endevors
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