Fall Evening

Just some quiet midweek thoughts tonight.

Today I started out late; Tammy and I were up last night IM'ing until late. I didn't hear Mike calling me from the bottom of the stairs; when he finally came up and woke me, it was 10 til 6. Yikes. So I came down, had my cup, and went back upstairs to get dressed. I skipped the Drama Club and went straight to work. Set up my computer and coffee and got to work. A few sudden challenges that I quickly overcame; communication breaking down that I repaired or called for help for - things went swimmingly all day. I'm finding my routine and getting into the rhythm of things, I think. Two more days of school and then all day Halloween off. Schools have the weirdest schedules! The teens and preteens are having a Halloween dance at the school at 8 PM Friday; which means that most of the late-night trick-or-treating will be curtailed. Seventh through twelfth grade having a dance together would be unheard of, impolitic, anywhere else in the world, but here it is just another community get-together.

Came home and intended to rake the yard but I was just tired. My feet and hands have been cold all day - unusual for me, and it was 60 deg outside, not cold at all! Donna asked if I was coming down sick but I don't THINK so - just feel cold. I warmed up this afternoon, though.

Tammy is so looking forward to her trip in two weeks; and a little scared too. I am looking forward to seeing her again; but am scared for her. OK it's stupid - by the time I was her age I'd made that trip 4 or 5 times, mostly by myself, but still... that's my BABY.

Looking forward to the dress-up Halloween night. Let Mike sit on the front proch and give out candy while I play wicked witch. No dry ice here - sigh - so no evil witch's brew. Oh well...

I will probably go to bed early tonight. My email box is full of jokes and election year stuff, but nothing personal so no hurry to read it all. It is so silent here; the stars are out and look close enough to touch, and no breeze is stirring the trees. It is only 7 PM but the air is still and peaceful, like midnight. Lovely. 70 degree temps tomorrow and Thursday... then a little cooler but no rain or high winds. The fall air smells so wonderful; no pine scents or leaves burning, but woodsmoke from our and others' woodstoves spice the evening air like cinnamon.

Wind, Weather, and Horses

We got a nice windblown-down deadfall this week; it fell off of a tree in the schoolyard and (after asking permission) I drove the pickup truck down and loaded it in. It was so huge that Mike had to sit in the bed and hold it down. Yesterday we filled the woodbox with it!

The weather stations said it would be in the 20s last night; but right now (6 AM) it is only 37, but windy.

Nancy came by yesterday; we talked about all sorts of things. She seemed anxious to know if the wind bothered us. Wind? It blows here almost all of the time; sometimes light and frivolously, sometimes - most times! - strongly and purposefully. One expects wind in an area that is so hilly, though. It drives the fine sand up under the doors and into the window frames, and has carved the northernmost post on the verandah like a sandblaster. Still and all, it is similar to the winds I had in the hills of TX and NM - I was caught once in a huge dust devil up around Santa Fe that knocked me to the ground and sent my camping goods flying! So even though I haven't experienced wind like this in a long time, it doesn't bother me. It was kinda irritating this morning when I was loading the woodstove and the precise and forceful angle of the wind was actually blowing the smoke back DOWN the chimney, though! Argh. Stop that.

Nancy has been trapping cats in town; some kittens but mostly adults. The shelter won't take adult cats. I asked her to bring me one. I feel bereft without a barn cat, something hanging about that occasionally demands to be picked up and cuddled. Sasha likes to nuzzle, but only sometimes, and usually only when she wants something, and she doesn't do it for long. Plus she is far too big to be a lap dog! Phydeaux is solely Mike's dog; he will sleep with him all night and follow him around all day.

Nancy really came out to look at Lake. She wants to put her down but doesn't have the heart. We had to traipse all the way to the west gate crossover to find her and the other horses. When we got there, Lake looked at her like, "What do YOU want?" Nancy checked her feet and determined that they needed trimming. I joked with her that Mike and I were trying to figure out how to make hoof covers for her feet to keep the ice from forming between her hooves and the frog of her foot. She can't feel it and it could cripple her. I told her we thought about cutting up one of our blue tarps and making velcro bands around it - can't you just see the neighbors driving by - "WHAT is on that horse's hoofs? BLUE BOOTS??" I hung out with Willie and Snip and Pretty Boy to kinda keep them away from Nancy and Lake; they will crowd around someone, anyone, that gives Lake attention. They are starting to get their winter coats and look fluffy. The other three will be gone by the end of next week; back to their little corral in the middle of town. It will be better for them, especially Willie - he is still scrawny and needs to be in an enclosure for the winter.

So things are settling down for the winter here. The low tonight is predicted to be 15. I don't know whether to believe it or not... and here it is just a number anyway. As long as the humidty stays low, it is as comfortable at 20 as it is at 50 or 60, especially when the sun is shining. We've got the candy for Halloween, and I still have tomatoes to dehydrate, and a pumpkin to carve, but otherwise it is getting quieter and quieter... even with the all-pervasive wind.

No Snow just rain... sigh

OK, there were a few flurries today, but nothing that stuck. Down south and east of us, had snow; not a lot, but at least it stuck. Sigh.

This morning at 6:45 AM I went to the Drama club's practice for the high school at the community center in town. These kids are really good. I'll be helping them with makeup and costumes - I've already emailed Thomas in Vegas to see if he has some contacts there for what we'll need. Gone are the days I could just hop in the car and drive to Acme to pick up what I needed. The closest place to walk-in is in Rapid, about three hours away. So we'll find what we need online or wherever we can.

Had a success at work; the filing I had to do for the state was stymied by a simple problem that the secretary in Lincoln solved by tapping a button on her keyboard. Pow - put everything in, submitted, done. After the training from our online data managing group yesterday morning, and the DVD I got from the State, it still was not simple - but just getting to know the process and getting the paperwork straight and THEN filing it neatly will be a help. I HATE flying blind.
I'm making recoerds of everything I learn and everything I do to not just remind me what needs to be done but so that if I am not there, anyone can pick up where I left off.

Came home and loaded up the woodstove again. The wind has died down to 15 mph, but the damp cold is pervasive. Tomorrow is a half-day and I will take Mike to Valentine to pick up his meds and to get a few things for the house, and of course the Halloween candy. Got to get the spiderwebs up, and carve the pumpkin yet. Well, this weekend it should be in the 60s again.

Snow??? Hope so, but...

Well it was supposed to start last night, but all we got was some 50 mph winds out of the North; cold and hard and cutting. Now they're saying maybe some after midnight, tomorrow, with 4 inches tomorrow night. THAT should make the football game interesting! Although the highs are supposed to be in the fifties Friday again; the snow should be gone.

There's propane in the tank; about 16% still. We just set the thermostat for 65 degrees; so it won't get too cold in here once the fires in the woodstove burn out at night. I'm the firestarter in the family; the woman who used to build the three-day, pouring-rain fires in the yard, who started a fire in a tropical storm that dried out all the camping gear and cooked our meals, should be the one to start a healthy fire that can warm the house! LOL But this house is pretty tight; built solidly, and even after it was let go for a while we were able to get it sealed again. It's windows and doors are tighter and stronger, and walls are more solid, than the house we owned in SC - and that house was newer by about 70 years!

I've been canning still; tomatoes and green tomatoes, and dehydrating cabbage. There are tomatoes lined up in rows of five on the counter, still turning red. Raking the yard and packing leaves around the tombstones - yup, we have tombstones and the coffin in front of the house! The scarecrow from the front porch is doing double duty as a mummy, and one of my ceramic skulls is perched on top; we've run lights to it and into the skull so it looks really creepy. The trees still have golden leaves on them in the east yard, so pretty. The red twig dogwood by the lane is glowing pink, too.

I like my new job as secretary for the school and am having lots of fun doing it. It is hard not having records saved from before, though; and all of the reports that have to be filed with the state just for food service boggle the mind! But I'll be going down to the community center to help with the drama club (at 6:45 in the morning!) and that should be fun too. And Tammy's due to come out in November; I can't wait to show her around!

Still busy as I've ever been, but having lots of fun... and looking forward to the snow again!

Yes I Am Selfish

It's raining all weekend, that cold drizzly rain that makes your bed sing to you like a background siren, a comforting escapist hole against the world. Rainy days make me pensive.

I've dropped in on some friends this morning, in a blogworld sense. They are still ranting or worrying about who is the best candidate for President, why my friend Joe Wilson is an incompetent Congressman and human being, and needs to be replaced, how the populace has suddenly realized that Congressman Harry Brown is a lying sneaking pandering and self-righteous moron, what they feel and think about the fiscal collapse of the Union...

Yawn.

I used to be a part of all that. People don't understand why I stepped out and back and away from it all, why I want nothing more to do with it, why I won't go gangbusters ever again trying to convert the ignorant or the innocent to the logical and socially responsible platforms of this, that, and the other. More - they can't see HOW I could, when I was, in their words, "so damned good at it".

The fact is that I slowly came to the realization that people in the main are determined to be ignorant, determined to be emotional, determined to sacrifice themselves for any and every cause, and expect everyone else to do the same. Not being of the Kenyesian persuasion, the self-sacrificing hordes who think that they have a right to be in everyone else's lives, that everyone should sacrifice themselves for the good of the whole, I stepped back, out, and away. I'm done.

I am tired of directing the minds and thoughts and emotions and reactions of fools who need to be told at every turn what is real, honorable, good, and just. I have a disabled husband and an auto-immune disease that weakens me if I push too hard. I have an excuse, but it goes deeper than that. The truth is that I got tired of the viciousness, the lies, the snide remarks, even the phony sympathy-without-helpfullness that I encountered. I refuse to argue with them, defend my thoughts and positions with them, while neglecting the one thing that is more important to me than anything else - my happiness.

Yes that IS selfish. I cheerfully admit it. I seek a quiet, uplifting, emotionally relaxing and physically expressive life. "Kicking against the pricks" is futile, because then there are just - more pricks. Those who are determined to be pricks, who want and need to argue, to shove their opinions down everyone else's throats, bore me. They always have. But their insistence on stomping on others brought out the Don Quixote in me, the defender of the innocents, the Vox Populi in me. No more. There are too many self-determinedly ignorant, arrogant, and obnoxious pricks in the world, and too many permanently innocent, permanently needy folks along with them, for me to exhaust myself repetitively trying to educate or save them all. As most of my friends know, when I say, "God I'm BORED!" - things are about to change. Well, these types of folks began to bore me to distraction. So it was time for a change.

It is vitally important that one seek one's own happiness. I have found mine. Of course it isn't perfect. If I won a lottery, I wouldn't go for all of the immediate and fast-passing pleasures that others do - I'd buy my garage, greenhouse, chickens and cows straightaway instead of planning for them. But my new and very fun job, my new house and property, my new and much-longed-for lifestyle, have all brought me closer to where I want to be for the rest of my life.

The wind is blowing, out of the Northeast and HARD. The rain is whisking across the hills, and the clouds are tumbling just above them. The leaves on the maples and hawthornes are glowing golden. I have things to do, and friends coming over later in the evening for some simple board games, chess, and fun. I love where I am, what I'm doing, and who I'm doing it with. Not for me, the upheavals and passions and rages of the helpless or the mindless any more. Not for me, listening to the endless yammering about the next American Idol, be he from the phony television show or the phony election races. They can say whatever they want, now - I'm not a part of it and never want to be again. There is more to life than that. I've always known it, and I can finally live it. Selfish? You bet.

Yeah, But Who Eats Worms?

My friends all know that I am NOT a morning person. Grumble grumble grumble don't wake me don't bother me, sun's not even up yet grumble grumble grumble. But lately I have been getting up earlier and earlier, long before the sun, getting up before a bird chirps in the trees outside my window. Last year I HAD to get up early to get to my job 40 miles away on time every day. Driving in the dark, a second cup of coffee in my hand, grumbling at the world, calling my other friends and chatting because they had to get up early too, might as well be miserable together.



Now it's different, though. Like I told my buddy Kimburrkay, I get out of bed every morning now like it was Christmas. I've got lots to do and daylight is getting shorter and shorter. Soon the wild turkeys' lives will be in danger. Heh heh heh. And there might be other critters I will need to attend to.



Of course, my new job requires that I be at work at 7:30 AM. That is not a struggle - a short 5 minute walk away. I can drink two cups of coffee before I hit the shower. As the days grow cooler and wetter, maybe even snowy, I'll still walk it though it might take me a couple of minutes longer. Last night I stayed up downloading my pictures of the Homecoming Day, and a little cowboy logo to disk to play with at work. This is going to be fun. Everyone knows my motto, "If you can't have fun, why bother?" But I guess my idea of fun is a little different from many - creativity, inspiration of others, having fun and enjoying life, putting my heart into whatever I do, is my stock in trade.

So this morning it was Saturday, and my eyes popped open at 4:49. Well, there's a lot to do - pump out, then scrub out the pond, winterize it by getting it cleaned out and bringing in the pump for the winter. I dread getting caught by my unawares with cold weather, and I surely do NOT want to be scrubbing that pond when it is cold.



The pumpkin seeds are dry and need to be put away. I am anxious to carve that other pumpkin for the front porch, but don't want to do it too early and have it rot, so I am restraining myself. It has a flat side, perfect for what I want to do. There's bread to bake again, and laundry to do. I want to get down into the ceramic shop and play some more, work on some stuff. Have to check on the sunflower seeds, see if they are dried out enough, and get them ready; and am debating whether or not to clean and paint the birdfeeder to hold the smaller seeds.



Tammy is back at the old house still, cleaning it up, and has pulled up a lot of my cement border stones. She has a brilliant idea - she is putting them in the bed of her little truck to make the drive out here in November, in case she has a little trouble getting through between us and her brother's house in Vegas. On the way back, she'll drop them back at our Cody house. She knows how much I liked those cement border stones! And of course I know just where I can put them...



The air smells like rain comin', so I guess I'd better get started. I don't think my bedroom window will be open for too many more days, but I am enjoying the scents of the changing weather outside. Yes, I am an early bird now, getting ready for whatever comes this year...